Holy Countdowns, Batman!

Batman does not have time for your shenanigans.
Just say it: the end is near and you're freaking out. End of blog post.

        No, but seriously, HOLY COUNTDOWNS.  I’ll be leaving the country in ten days.  TEN DAYS!?  I don’t feel ready.  I don’t feel prepared.  Sitting at the BOE lures me into a false sense of security and makes me feel like this is just another summer, until I return home to towers of cardboard and personal items taken off the walls or from the shelves and the little shocks hit me.

        This is it. I am going back. 

        On the one hand, I am so excited and ready to start the next chapter (where that next chapter leads, I’m not entirely certain).  I’m ready to be back HOME.  It’s like my body knows what’s coming, and I’ve been craving California burritos like nobody’s business.  And In’n’Out.  And Golden Spoon.  And Spices Thai.  And Jamba Juice.  And Domino’s Pizza (hell, I don’t even like Domino’s). Etc. Etc.  AND EVERY TACO WITHIN A 5 FT. RADIUS.

        I’m excited to see my family and friends, some of whom I haven’t seen (with the exception of through a computer screen) in three years.  That’s entirely too long in my book.  I’m excited to walk into a gigantic grocery store and be overwhelmed with the plethora of options contained in one place.  I’m excited to read documents, street signs, menus, etc., without breaking into a cold sweat and pulling out a dictionary app.  No more silly, distracting, box in the corner of my TV screen showing me other people’s reactions to what I’m watching.  Considerably less Frozen merchandise.

        On the other hand, this place has been my second home – 私の第二の故郷 – for the past three years.  Packing up memories into boxes and suitcases doesn’t seem like a fitting end to this adventure, but it’ll have to do.  I’ve been sneaking in last dinners and meet-ups with teachers and friends before I leave, but knowing that there are some individuals I won’t get to properly say goodbye to is heartbreaking.  Every time I randomly see a student in the street and they excitedly approach me, that farewell process starts all over again.  Every time someone says “Don’t forget me.” or “I’ll miss you.” or 「悲しい ! 」the process starts all over again. 

        During this pre-departure phase, everyone has been super sweet to me.  Even students I thought positively loathed English have been popping up out of the woodwork and surprising me with notes and words of thanks with the little English they can muster under the circumstances.  Parents have been stopping me in the grocery store and konbini and everywhere in between, thanking me for teaching their children, and telling me that they’re sad to see me go.  People have been asking me what I’ll miss most about Japan.  There’s certainly the little things I’ll miss, but more than anything it’s the community I’m leaving behind.

        In ten days I’ll be on a flight headed to Hawaii to visit my parents before making it back to California.  Not to be a drama queen, but it’s daunting and exciting and the kind of nervous that makes you feel like you’re going to hurl if you move your head too suddenly.  

        ...Or that might be the heat and the constant hum of the cicadas outside, prepping to unceremoniously send me on my way.  Either way, my time in Japan is slipping into the “days” category, and I can’t think of any other adjectives to describe the feeling other than exhilarating and terrifying.